Grey Dating: Love And Money: How to Navigate Relationships & Finances Later in Life

Starting a new chapter in love can be exciting, but when it comes to blending romance with finances it can be tricky – especially later in life.  Dating after age 60 — often called “Grey Dating — can be an exciting and fulfilling new chapter of life for many people. There’s an opportunity to find connection, companionship and love at a life stage when many people are more confident about themselves and their priorities. Of course, many new relationships start with warm feelings and fun. But for aging adults, a conversation about finances should happen sooner rather than later.

As we age, there are more things to consider: retirement expectations and goals, family obligations, inheritances and more can complicate burgeoning romantic relationships. Fortunately, youdo not have to choose between money and love. Instead, by cultivating smart dating practices and initiating thoughtful conversations with longer-term partners, you can ensure that your relationships and finances continue to flourish.

Dating later in life

In Canada, the average age of divorce reached 44.5 for women and 47 for men, according to Statistics Canada. That means that being single in your 60s or later isn’t uncommon (in fact, the new show Later Daters on Netflix highlights the prevalence of dating in later adulthood). However, for many newly single Baby Boomers, the dating scene differs from when they paired up the first time, primarily because of technology. Now, in addition to bars or meeting friends of friends, there are multiple dating apps to help people find partners, including many that target the post-60 market. 

Technology may make it easier to meet people, but apps can also introduce new risks, including romance scams perpetuated by strangers who aren’t who they seem. The scams often target older adults, exploiting their desire for companionship and connection for financial gain. For example, a scammer may invent a crisis and ask for money from their online love interest. Sadly, these unlucky-in-love scenarios add up, with romance scams costing Canadians $50.3 million in 2023.

But you can stay safe as you explore the apps, as long as you know the warning signs. To ensure that online dating doesn’t turn into fraud, the Canadian Anti-Fraud Centre recommends steering clear of the following red flags:

• A person who professes their love to you without ever meeting you in person

• People who insist on moving to a different messaging platform from the dating app very quickly

• If you receive messages that seem poorly written or are addressed to someone else

• The person messaging you wants you to keep their relationship private or asks you not to discuss it with anyone

• If they often act distressed or angry as a way to encourage you to send them money

If someone you meet online exhibits any of these warning signs, they may not be who they say they are. Consider cutting off contact with them and report the activity to authorities. Most importantly, do not send them money or give them access to your financial accounts or resources.

The heart of the matter

On a happier note, many older Canadians find love later in life via apps, friends, or activities. As new relationships progress, discussions about finances and money may arise earlier than in the past. That’s because both partners are likely bringing more assets and potential obligations than when they were younger, including homes, grown children, retirement accounts, and more.

Moreover, older adults are more likely to have a vision or plan for retirement, which may already be in motion. To start a new relationship on the right financial foot, begin talking about money early. Some issues to cover with a new partner include:

Spending habits and priorities. Everyone has different behaviors, preferences and values when spending money. For example, one person may prioritize eating out, while others prefer to make food at home. Of course, many couples coexist with different money values and habits. However, discussing priorities to uncover your partner’s thoughts on spending and anything that is non-negotiable is essential. Discuss:

• What are your spending habits and priorities?

• Why are those priorities important?

• How does spending impact any near and long-term financial plans?

Retirement plans and dreams. If you’re dating later in life, you may be nearing retirement or already there. The same goes for your partners. Some people have a long-held vision of their retirement; others may be flexible or still planning for how they’ll approach their post-career years. Regardless, touch on the topic and consider the following

• What are each person’s plans for retirement?

• Are there any events that may change those plans?

• How will you achieve those goals financially and what other considerations come into play?

Family obligations and expectations. People in their sixth or seventh decade of life may have adult children, ex-spouses or others with whom they’ve shared their financial lives. As you plan for the future, ask each other:

• Does either person have financial obligations to children, former spouses, or other relatives?

• Do family members expect financial support, and do those expectations impact financial plans and goals?

• Do both partners have existing estate plans?

Long-term care expenses. For some people, aging can also mean increased health issues that impact quality of life, mobility, and finances. While the Canadian government does pay for some long-term care expenses, the amount varies by province, territory, and income level. Consider discussing:

• Does either person have health concerns requiring additional financial planning?

• Does either partner have a strong preference regarding living in a senior or assisted living facility?

• What options for care are available for each person?

Strategies for separating or combining assets. If your relationship becomes more serious and you decide to live together, you will want to discuss what that means for your individual assets — what to combine, if anything, and what to keep separate. Ask each other:

• Do you want to combine any aspect of finances?

• How do you want to approach shared expenses?

• Will combined finances impact each person’s financial plan, estate plan, etc.?

Financial lessons learned. By the time you reach 60 or older, you’ve likely learned some lessons about your preferences for managing money, mistakes to avoid and smart moves to make. Sharing your learning with your new partner can help inform their understanding of your values and priorities—and create a foundation for financial stability going forward. Consider discussing:

• What financial mistakes have you made that you don’t want to repeat?

• What have you learned across your financial life?

• Is there anything you want to learn about financially?

Moving on, together.

Finding love at any age is thrilling. For older adults, dating and developing relationships can add an element of excitement, support and companionship during an important season of life. By tackling money topics thoughtfully, you can navigate the financial waters of your new relationship — regardless of your age — and ensure unexpected issues don’t rock the boat.

Interested in learning more about financial planning strategies or how to have “the Money Talk” with your partner? Connect with RBC today.